What to do when your world becomes small
Lilly reflects on how she expanded her world when the pandemic made it smaller than ever.
When we sent out the first issue of this newsletter just over a year ago, I was just starting to feel like I was “getting my life back.” The pandemic had been tough for me socially and professionally — and as it dragged on, it became increasingly difficult to remember that the same was happening to other people, too.
I was lucky to have been able to work from home full time for several years, but it was lonelier than I had anticipated. My days usually fell into the same routine: Wake up right before work, hunch over my laptop until quitting time, cook dinner, then watch whatever Bravo show I had in my rotation. Work was often slow, and I could sometimes go days without speaking to a coworker. Because of the nature of his work, my husband was usually in meetings all day — and as I sat around during the work day, waiting for him to hop off a call so I could have someone to chat with, I wondered when things would change. My world had become small.
This newsletter was one of a few methods that I used to forcibly stretch it back out. I say forcibly, because sometimes, that’s the only way that necessary changes can come about. Like many writers, I simultaneously fear but feel the need to publish my work — a paradox which I tackled in another issue of This Is Why! this year. Through the newsletter, I get a chance to face this fear every other week. I get to share my Love Island obsession and hot takes on Gossip Girl or dive deep into my complicated feelings around diet culture. Even better, I get to do all this alongside my best friend and best writing partner, Melinda, and all of you!
Like any muscle, my ability to “get out there” despite any anxieties encouraging me to do the opposite has strengthened since the first time we hit publish. In the last year, I’ve found myself busier than ever, all by my own design — whether I was assisting local cooking classes (my favorite part-time gig!), writing for the newsletter or freelancing, out with new friends, working in a new office, or teaching a course on the magazine industry at Emerson College. Through it all, I’ve had hundreds of little failures that made me want to retreat (but many of which I no longer even remember.)
I’ve learned that when your world feels small, there isn’t anyone else who can make it larger for you — and that the work of expanding it isn’t always easy. Most of the time, the things you try won’t click into place, but when they do, it’s so, so rewarding. (And when they don’t, Bravo is still there for you!)
Thanks to this newsletter, I’ve gotten to meet new friends (hi
!), reconnect with old ones, and get back into the habit of writing. And now, I get to throw a party to celebrate it all! If you haven’t signed up yet, I’d love to personally invite you to our 1st anniversary party at Bar Calico in Manhattan on January 26 at 8 PM. After all, there’s no This Is Why! without you. (Did I mention that’s where I’ll be celebrating my 26th birthday, too?)Sign up with the button below, and see you there! — LM
Hunter-gatherer corner
What we’ve read and DMed each other about lately — our internet bounty is below!
“John Wilson Goes Out on Top” by Chris Gayomali - GQ — Mike and I aren’t great at saying goodbye, so we have a strange habit of watching nearly all of a TV show and then stopping before we get to the last episode. We dragged out How To With John Wilson for a long time. We finally finished it, and reading this profile reminds me why I loved the show so much. Wilson’s work is such a labor of love. He puts so much of himself and his life into his craft and watching his devotion unfold on screen just feels like magic. If you’re missing How To as much as I am, let Chris Gayomali bring you back into John Wilson’s world. — LM
“This Is What Happens to All The Stuff You Don’t Want” by Amanda Mull - The Atlantic — Amanda Mull is constantly reminding me to be a more conscious consumer. This time, it’s by pulling back the curtain that obscures all of the people and processes required to make purchase returns. I had never considered before reading that every single item that gets returned in the US has to be inspected (and smelled) by a person or that most of it is trashed rather than resold — and that’s by design. Mull’s work is always worth reading, but this piece in particular has stuck in my mind the last couple of weeks. — LM
“How Group Chats Rule the World” by Sophie Haigney - NYT Magazine — Much has been written about group chats since the pandemic, so I wasn’t originally drawn to this one, but this essay is a great example of how the right writer can manage to make what might otherwise be a tired subject resonate with readers. Of her various group chats, she writes that: “…one has become such a dominant feature of my social life that it is simply named “The Girls,” as if there were no other girls.” That is what it’s like. There are no other girls before the girls group chat. — MF
“My Year of Dry January” by Alanna Okun and Aude White - Vox — I did not do dry January, but this brilliantly done comic from my coworker Alanna and her BFF Aude is inspiring and endearing all the same. I particularly love the diving board panels, and the little details like the box of Athletic Brewing NA beers. — MF
“True Love” by Sharon Olds - Okay, this one is a poem. It snowed in New York this weekend, and it actually stuck for once. It had been 701 days of nothing, and that should be bleak but I hate real snow. We got a perfect, pretty dusting that I actually appreciated. This is one of my favorite poems ever, with a conclusion that I think of all the time: “a wall of cold crystals, silent / and glistening, I quietly call to you / and you come and hold my hand and I say / I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.” HELLO?? — MF
Why Not?
Why Not? is our biweekly list of recommendations. Think recipes, gift guides, podcasts, clothes, and anything we consider to be generally chic. Have a suggestion? Let us know!
Dandelion root tea - Still dealing with water retention and inflammation <3 oh how I love being a woman <3 but ANYWAY, dandelion root tea has actually been helping a lot. It sounds weird, but it actually tastes like coffee?? With a splash of oat milk and a tablespoon of agave, ultra infrequent, casual sugary coffee drinkers (matcha supremacy!) like me could mistake the two. It’s become a part of my everyday routine very quickly! — MF
Relaxed Jeans Cream - Djerf Avenue — Recently, my favorite pair of jeans ripped and, though I tried, I couldn’t fix them well enough to keep wearing them. So, I’ve been looking for a new favorite pair to wear into the ground, and these Djerf Avenue jeans are a serious contender. They’re thick but comfortable, made of 100% cotton with a perfect relaxed fit. A lot of the reviews are from people who bought a size up for a looser fit, but I’m happy I stuck with my true size. — LM
Slick Salve Mint Lip Balm - Topicals - Last week I was doing an errand at Sephora, as Melindas are wont to do, and I didn’t see this new release on shelves. This was the second time I had gone looking for it since early December, so because I’m braver than the marines, I asked an employee for help. She delighted in letting me know that they actually just came in. My cashier gasped when she saw it in my basket, told me she was headed to the stockroom later to secure a few of her own, and described her experience with a sample as “a minty facial for your lips” LOL. I wouldn’t say it’s toothpaste minty, but it’s a pleasant sweet mint flavor, and all that is to say that I think it actually is the best lip balm I’ve ever used — sticky but not too sticky, nicely buildable for a barely detectable or glossy look depending on your vibe, pairable with other lip products, hydrating enough for daily and overnight use, AND a portion of the sales proceeds get donated to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund. Sorry to rec something that is out of stock online, but maybe try in-store! — MF
If you liked this issue, make your world bigger! Tell us your thoughts in the comments or on Instagram (@lilly_milman | @melindafakuade) or at our one-year anniversary party!
It’s funny — getting to know you (Lilly) has felt Russian-Doll-esque because new hobbies and interests have continued to emerge. Your world feels very large! Thanks for encapsulating such a relatable experience.
Also, Melinda, those jeans are A+.
Can confirm the djerf jeans look fab.